DES MOINES, Iowa — Local 31-year-old Tyler Brown is finally financially successful enough to be able to accept an unpaid internship, confirmed sources.
“It took a decade of saving and working my way up to become a senior architect, but I finally have enough to afford a job that doesn’t pay, just for the experience points,” Brown excitedly claimed. “I knew that if I held off my final school credits for just enough years I could make it! Not to mention the internship required five years of experience as a qualification anyway, so I was a shoe-in. All this so I can finally learn how to type numbers into a spreadsheet. This is going to be such a valuable experience. Watch out Commerce Subsidiaries, Tyler is here now!”
The company he is applying for is happy to recruit him.
“Very excited to make him get our lunches as well as sit in for Zoom meetings where we discuss future Zoom meetings,” said Thena Smith, head of recruiting for Commerce Subsidiaries. “At first we were on the fence about hiring someone with under 1,000 Instagram followers, but according to the AI we use to review all the applications, his resume had the most appropriate words and font size for the job. Very important in today’s job market. We can only hope that his true passion in life is working at Commerce Subsidiaries for free because we cannot allow room for someone who’s life isn’t 100% devoted to data entry.”
Brown is among six other interns to be a part of the program, including 21-year-old Brett Roberts.
“My dad who works in their HR department told me this will be a great learning experience for me. That’s why I’ve been an unpaid intern here for three years,” Roberts commented. “Kinda weird to be working alongside an old guy like Tyler but I’m sure we will get along. I’m mostly focused on my podcast where we discuss our hustle lifestyles but as long as our recordings don’t go too long I should be able to make it into work on time. Maybe I’ll have Tyler as a guest!”
At press time, Commerce Subsidiaries guaranteed that the interns were all about to become rich in experience by watching how the professionals use ChatGPT to write emails.
