NEW YORK — A conclave of scene elders has announced that Good Charlotte, once the undisputed pariah of all things punk-adjacent, now ranks only “third or fourth” on the list of shitty things done by The Madden Brothers, after convening on recent layoffs at alternative music publications Brooklyn Vegan, Revolver, Alternative Press, and others.
“I know it sounds crazy, but comparatively, releasing an album as shitty as ‘The Young and the Hopeless’ is not that bad when you look at what these choads have been up to since,” explained aging spokespunk Luis Grift. “I mean, they just directly gutted alternative music press as we know it in one swoop. Then there’s, starting Veep, getting Veep in bed with fucking Live Nation of all companies, all the Hillary Duff drama, I mean true villain shit. Wait, weren’t they also coaches on The Voice Kids or something? Shit, Good Charlotte’s music might be like 5th on the list.”
At press time, the Madden twins were reportedly smoking cigars, twirling snifters of brandy, and making plans to acquire The Dischord House and turn it into a data center.
