WASHINGTON — News that Sen. Mitch McConnell was found unconscious after suffering a severe heart attack in his Washington, D.C. home has rocked the nation’s capital, with Washington insiders reporting that they were “blindsided” by the revelation that the 84-year-old Kentucky Senator actually has a heart.
“It was literally jaw-dropping,” said one congressional staffer who chose to remain anonymous. “It’s just not something we were prepared for. You think you know somebody once you’ve worked alongside them for many years. With all that Senator McConnell has done throughout his long political career, I would have never once considered that he could have a heart, or really even blood.”
The Republican National Committee has since released press statements condemning McConnell, stating that the possession of a heart “does not align with the values of the GOP, our platform, or the voters we represent.”
This is a breaking story, and we’ll have more as it develops.
