All my adult life, people have wondered about my secrets. How is it that I, a man with a ponytail and a Tame Impala T-shirt, have such a long history of sexual exploits? How is it that I, a man who has nearly mastered four songs on the acoustic guitar, am known far and wide as the Casanova of the county? Let me tell you: this sick leather wristband I wear is the true key to my sexual prowess and abilities. And now, my friend, I bequeath it to you.
As it was once given to me by my mentor, a white guy with dreadlocks who knew way too much about Hootie and the Blowfish, I pass it to you. This is a sacred trust. No one knows which Hot Topic this sick leather wristband came from or what divine hands (that totally knew how to finger chicks good) forged it, but it has been passed down by generations of dudes that know that super-oily hair is the finest aphrodisiac.
You will learn much from this totally awesome leather wristband. Do not be tempted to the dark, for with great sexual power comes great sexual responsibility. And you will have power. All the power of this leather wristband and the two intertwined snakes that are carved into it to represent fucking.
But always remember, one day it will come upon you to pass it on to someone else. This sick leather wristband does not belong to any of us, no matter how often we soak it with the sweat of our fuck sessions. We belong to its legacy. Also if you do actually manage to have sex it’s part of your sacred duty to call us and tell us about it. Some of us may be exaggerating our sexual experiences.