When you meet a new person, it can be hard to get a read on them. Is he an intellectual, or just wearing glasses? Do you hate him, or is he just holding his friend’s vape? Is he actually cool, or have you only been paying attention to his relatably grungy taste in shoes?
“Your type” and “wearing Converse” are different things (we hope), so this quiz will help you figure out which category this guy falls into.
When you think of Converse, what do you associate them with?
a) Uh…shoes?
b) They give off a harmless dirtbag energy. When a guy’s wearing them, it means he’s cool, and more importantly, it means that I should—and will—fuck that man.
Would you like this guy if he was wearing another pair of shoes?
a) I’d still like him if he was walking around in those old man/virgin shoes with the Velcro straps. I truly don’t give a shit.
b) Of course! If they’re, like, a different color Converse, or the same exact ones but as high-tops. Then yeah, 100%.
Tell me something you like about him that’s unrelated to his shoes.
a) He’s really friendly, kind, and easy to talk to. We’ve also had three random meet-cutes before this, so I think we might be soulmates?
b) Unrelated to the shoes? I also like his flannel.
Have you watched a lot of nerdy TV and movies where a scruffy, lovable main character wears Converse?
a) Is that a genre?
b) Not really—I mean, I have watched “Back to the Future,” and “Stranger Things,” and “Harry Potter,” and “Chuck,” and “Doctor Who,” and the new Spider-Man movies, and “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” and—okay, I see it now.
Are you having exactly the same feelings about another guy here wearing Converse?
a) Nope! Just this one!
b) There’s four guys at this party wearing Converse and I want them all to rawdog me.
Are you into feet?
a) Whoa!! No!
b) Whoa!! …a little.
Have you ever considered this as a Halloween costume?
a) Jesus Christ, no, that’s embarrassing.
b) YES. Eight years in a row, baby! Every day before and after Halloween, I’m dreaming of when I can once again be simultaneously enveloped by Converse of the feet and of the body. It’s a borderline religious experience for me.
If you answered mostly A: Your taste in men isn’t dependent on what his feet are wearing. Give him your number!
If you answered mostly B: It seems like you’re more interested in the shoes than the guy. Go home to your Converse and be happy without him, you little freak.