Cumming is cool and all, but not cumming is what the real sex pros are doing.
For some people, this process of prolonging an orgasm by starting and stopping sexual stimulation is called “edging,” but for local kink queen Lindsey Barrow, it’s just called “taking 40mg of Prozac.”
Last week, Barrow’s SSRI edged her so good that she broke down in tears, threw her vibrator in the trash, and started frantically scouring the web for natural remedies to manage clinical depression. If that’s not the hottest thing you’ve ever heard, I can’t help you. Any mood stabilizer that doesn’t sexually frustrate someone to the point where they break a dildo in half with their bare hands is mere child’s play.
Having sex on antidepressants simulates that ultra-arousing scenario of having a sneeze stuck in your nose, or almost being able to dislodge a popcorn kernel from your gum line, but ultimately needing to go to the dentist to have it professionally removed. It’s sad to think that some people with normal serotonin levels don’t have to concentrate so hard on having an orgasm that they inadvertently develop telekinetic powers and small objects start flying around their room.
Skilled partners, state-of-the-art sex toys, and the purest MDMA on the planet don’t hold a candle to the edging power of even your most basic SSRI. If you don’t come away from every attempt at an orgasm covered in angry sweat and cursing the genetic mutations that force you to take libido-crushing pills that turn your vagina into nothing more than a forgotten earth fissure, you’re playing in the minor leagues.
While Barrow admits she sometimes has moments of weakness where she wishes she could orgasm like a normal person, she says she has no choice but to make peace with pharmaceutical solutions they come up with something stronger than valerian root and chamomile tea.
Luckily for Barrow and edge-lords alike, the FDA is far too busy trying to approve wasabi-flavored Oreos and cigarettes with edible filters to even consider addressing the sexually devastating side effects of SSRIs.