Are you fucking kidding me?! Okay, okay. Gotta cool down for a moment. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I am shaken to my core. My foundation is rubble. I just found out that groundbreaking Euro-pop duo Milli Vanilli has been lip-syncing this entire time and someone is gonna pay.
Honestly, I wouldn’t take this so hard if I hadn’t believed in Milli Vanilli for so long. I know it’s been a while since their last release, but they have been my favorite German-French R&B duo since 1988. “Girl You Know It’s True” is an absolute fucking jam and girl you know it’s true. It’s damn true. I’d know, I’ve been drinking espressos and appreciating abstract art for years with that exclusively as my soundtrack. I never thought that Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan would betray me like this. They were my heroes ever since I heard “My Prerogative.” That was them, right?
The first time I heard of this “lip-syncing” I was confused. I’ve seen the ol’ Mil-Vainil live dozens of times and all I hear are perfectly performed vocals that are identical to the album. All I see synced up to those lips are two beefcakes with perfect pitch. But since the man behind the curtain turned out to be a sound guy with a ponytail and an aux cord, I am exploding with a fiery rage that will consume all in its path.
Now I don’t know what to think. Is it the music industry’s fault for setting an impossible standard? Or is this what M+V were talking about when they said to “Blame It on the Rain?” Is nothing sacred? If Rob and Fab were lip-syncing, who else was? Elvis? Bowie? Now when I see animatronic characters at Chuck E. Cheese, I start to wonder if they’re even singing.
This has shaken me. Sometimes I wonder if the whole world is lip-syncing and that life is just the backing track to an album we’re all just playing on repeat until we die. Without faith in our heroes, we have nothing to look up to. And with no aspirations, we can manifest only destruction. The point is, Milli Vanilli made me burn down that Chuck E. Cheese so they should at least pay some of the damages.