TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Former Florida representative Matt Gaetz informed his girlfriend Valentina he will be able to go to her 15th birthday party after ending…
Here we go again—the libs are panicking about another innocent, off-the-cuff comment from President Trump. It’s exhausting having to explain what Trump actually meant to…
DANBURY, Conn. — 48-year-old Bruce Wallach wishes contemporary rappers would introduce themselves as they did in ‘80s hip hop, sources near him in line at…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — The group of gutter punks that loiters near 5th and Huron employs many invented terms for states of impoverishment, sources hurrying…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. – Local World War II enthusiast Edward Spencer says he is looking forward to witnessing the rise of fascism unfold in real-time, horrified…
Every Fall I watch you normies get all excited that “spooky season” is here once again. That means it’s time for you to put up…
BENNINGTON, Vt. — Local bartender Jerome Skinner is nearing a final decision on what subject he will become temporarily engrossed with next, according to sources…
LOS ANGELES — Garment company JNCO says renewed interest in their extra-wide legged jeans could result in a devastating shortage of denim, wallet-chain wearing sources…
KINGSTON, N.Y. — Noise music enthusiast Craig Spencer tried in vain to identify the cacophonous racket heard through his living room wall, according to sources…
DERRY, N.H. — Conservative divorcee and frequent conspiracy forum visitor Ken Doherty claims his lifestyle epitomizes the punk rock ethos, according to sources who follow…
CHULA VISTA, Calif. — The patriarch of the local scene assembled the area’s young punks to hear an oral history of longstanding beefs, according to…
CLINTON, Mass. — Self-professed food connoisseur Noah Frawley boasts the unusual ability to determine the provenance of microwaved gas station burritos, according to mildly impressed…
TIVERTON, R.I. — Local dental hygienist Barbara McCall is bewildered why her years-long campaign of criticizing Donald Trump on Facebook for his comically tiny hands…
DENVER — A multinational non-renewable energy corporation is attempting to pin all of Earth’s environmental problems on an individual from Colorado, according to sources who…
LONDON — The Rolling Stones announced the addition of an 18-month old baby in a bid to lower the average age of the band’s members,…