Steve Packosky, Author at HARDTIMES

Now He’s Gone Too Far: Vladimir Putin Just Said “Diabolus in Musica” Is Slayer’s Best Album

June 20, 2025

Few leaders are as internationally reviled as Russian president Vladimir Putin. Whether he’s unlawfully invading his neighboring countries or meddling…

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Democrat Reflexively Replies “Stop” to Text From Friend Asking for Five Bucks

June 20, 2025

LA CROSSE, Wis. — Local Democrat Kevin Forrester automatically responded “STOP” to a friend’s genuine request for financial help after…

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Five Mercyful Fate Songs You Need To Listen to Now That You’ve Accidentally Touched the Crucifix on the Wall of Your Grandmother’s Living Room

June 18, 2025

Ew, gross! You just got off your grandmother’s couch while you were visiting her and you accidentally brushed against the…

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Pantera Mosh Pit Also Serves as Cop Team-Building Activity

June 17, 2025

BURGETTSTOWN, Pa. — The mosh pit at a concert by popular metal band Pantera doubled as a team-building activity for…

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New Member of Slipknot Told to Look Busy Until the Boss Finds Something for Him to Do

June 16, 2025

DES MOINES, Iowa — Newest member of Slipknot Brett Francese found himself struggling to look busy during his first day…

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Audio Engineering Mixup Results in Two-Minute Sound Clip From “Steel Magnolias” Being Included in New Mortician Song

June 11, 2025

LAS VEGAS — A sound clip from 1989 film “Steel Magnolias” was accidentally used in the beginning of the song…

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Dream Theater Fans Storm the Capitol After Tariffs Raise Price of Real Dolls

June 9, 2025

WASHINGTON — The nation’s fans of progressive metal band Dream Theater stormed the Capitol after the price of Real Dolls,…

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Five Humane Alternatives To Declawing Your Neighborhood Crust Punk

June 6, 2025

Oh no, it happened again! Looks like your neighborhood crust punk got scared and scratched your kid after she got…

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Diehard MTV News Fan Only Going to Megadeth Show to Hear First Five Seconds of “Peace Sells”

June 6, 2025

BOSTON — Lifelong fan of MTV News commercial segments Randy Colefell found himself going to see thrash metal legends Megadeth…

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5 Thrash Bands You Might as Well Check Out Since You Don’t Know How To Patch the Hole in Your Only Pair of Jeans

June 5, 2025

Welp, your sole pair of Wranglers that you wear to work, shows, dates, restaurants, and even funerals now has a…

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