10 Billy Joel Songs To Request Next Time He Crashes His Car Into Your House
To this day, you vividly remember that Sunday evening twenty years ago. You were out to dinner when your Motorola…
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Steve Packosky — Page 16
211 stories found
Residents of Crust Punk House Completely Unaware They’ve Been Transported to the Cenobite Dimension
THE LABYRINTH — Residents of a crust punk house were seemingly unaware that they were inhabiting the Cenobite dimension, terrified…
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If the Catholic Church Is Becoming More Open to New Ideas, Why Won’t My Priest Transubstantiate This Bag of Honey BBQ Chex Mix?
Pope Francis seems to be in the news fairly regularly as a new face for the often antiquated and unwelcoming…
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Black Metal Band Therapist Suggests Series of Team-Building Church Burning Activities
OSLO, Norway — Black metal band Frossen Ensomhet undertook a series of team-building church burning activities at the behest of…
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Clown From Slipknot Makes New Year’s Resolution to Hit a Beer Keg With His Baseball Bat at Least 50 Times a Day
DES MOINES, Iowa — Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan reportedly resolved to hit a beer keg with his baseball bat…
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Dave Mustaine Starts Second, Rival Retirement Organization After Being Kicked Out of AARP
LA MESA, Calif. — Prolific thrash metal frontman Dave Mustaine started a rival retirement organization after being removed from the…
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Black Metal Christmas Carolers Only Reach Three Houses Before Murdering Each Other
SEATTLE – Christmas carolers and members of local black metal band Kirkeråte only reached three houses before succumbing to the…
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Breaking Benjamin Song Mistaken for Chevelle Song Actually Turns Out To Be Three Days Grace Song
ELSMERE, Del. — A Breaking Benjamin song heard on the radio by two friends initially thought to be a Chevelle…
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Genealogy Test Shows Del Tha Funkee Homosapien Direct Descendant of Del Tha Funkee Homo Erectus
OAKLAND, Calif. — Rapper Teren Delvon “Del Tha Funkee Homosapien” Jones learned that he’s a direct descendent of Del Tha…
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Friend Group of Dream Theater Fans Makes Pact To Lose Their Virginities Before They’re Eligible for Social Security Benefits
NORTH HUNTINGDON, Pa. — A friend group composed of progressive metal band Dream Theater fans made a pact to lose…
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