BALTIMORE — Local vinyl collector and self-proclaimed financial wizard Eric Drysden recently calculated his net worth using vinyl website Discogs.com, claimed friends who were definitely…
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner than a photon of light,…
RICHMOND — Legendary metal group GWAR reportedly cut their usage of onstage fake cum to approximately five barrels a day after new tariffs increased prices…
BALTIMORE — Local venue the Rusty Nut is reported to be heated by a single eight-outlet power strip, confirmed several sources with burn marks on…
RICHMOND, Va. — Trey Bollinger, proud owner of a $91,273 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD, accused Tesla Cybertruck owners of being “totally fucking ridiculous,” confirmed sources…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows the majority of Americans are giving up the dream of owning the 30th-anniversary…
WASHINGTON. — Local 32-year-old Seth Kepling informed friends Friday night that his iPhone 13, which is covered by an AppleCare plan, actually has better insurance…
CHICAGO — Guitarist and exhausted activist Tom Morello faxed in his protest of the Democratic National Convention report disappointed political activists and Rage Against the…
COLLEGE PARK, Md. – A new study suggests that the Cro-Mags may have used Pro Tools in the Late Hardcore Phase, contradicting earlier theories about…
LOS ANGELES — Longtime Slayer guitarist Kerry King is reportedly scouring tabs on UltimateGuitar.com in a sudden attempt to relearn some of his most famous…
WASHINGTON — Local indecisive man Ed Treston spent 45 minutes on Friday night selecting a t-shirt that will never be seen once covered by his…
BALTIMORE – Party guests reacted with visceral horror upon realizing their host intentionally purchased and offered them nearly 16 dozen cans of god awful flavored…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local Girl Scout Teresa Evans recently broke all regional sales records by selling single cookies at a Gutter Slug show, according to…
You’ve heard the songs, you’ve seen the videos, you’ve probably even heard the interviews. Anyone who hasn’t lived under a rock for the past 30…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A mysterious pile of previously unidentified material floating in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Oregon was identified by scientists as…