Punk House Microwave Needs To Be Preheated
PORTLAND, Ore. — The Black Hole House of Portland reportedly contains a microwave which needs to be preheated, according to…
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Rob Ryder
31 stories found
Rediscovery of Incubus Leads to Most Boring Midlife Crisis Ever
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local husband and father of three Brad Devins recently rediscovered a burned copy of Incubus’ 2001 album…
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Gene Simmons Charging Fans $12,500 to Change Colostomy Bag
LOS ANGELES — KISS bassist and singer Gene Simmons is reportedly charging fans $12,500 for the opportunity to change the…
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Guitarist Buys $450 Pedal Just to Play Last 15 Seconds of “Karma Police”
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Amateur guitarist Jay Alvarez recently purchased a $450 delay pedal in an attempt to replicate the last…
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Tradwife Had No Idea There’d Be This Much Anal Involved
RICHMOND — Devoted tradwife Becky Johanson was reportedly shocked with the amount of anal involved with the lifestyle, reported wide-eyed…
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Discogs Used to Calculate Net Worth
BALTIMORE — Local vinyl collector and self-proclaimed financial wizard Eric Drysden recently calculated his net worth using vinyl website Discogs.com,…
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Venue Physicists Discover Toilet Paper Thinner Than a Photon of Light
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner…
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GWAR Forced to Reduce Fake Cum Usage After Tariffs Cut Supply to 5 Barrels a Day
RICHMOND — Legendary metal group GWAR reportedly cut their usage of onstage fake cum to approximately five barrels a day…
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Overloaded Power Strip Venue’s Only Source of Heat
BALTIMORE — Local venue the Rusty Nut is reported to be heated by a single eight-outlet power strip, confirmed several…
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Man With $90,000 Chevy Pickup Accuses Cybertruck Owner of Being Ridiculous
RICHMOND, Va. — Trey Bollinger, proud owner of a $91,273 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD, accused Tesla Cybertruck owners of being…
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