NEW YORK — Former President Donald Trump proudly declared that unlike Robert F. Kennedy Jr., his brain worms were still alive and “very strong,” sources…
Tallahassee Bob here, and it’s with a heavy heart that I have to announce that my beloved Child Casino and Discount Fireworks Emporium will be…
LOS ANGELES — Crust punk Tim “Ransom” Rollins has reportedly started acting annoyingly sanctimonious ever since he moved into an abandoned Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, friends…
LOS ANGELES — Local skater Chris Poole was left shocked today after he jokingly called a baby wearing a Thrasher shirt a ‘poser,’ only to…
PHILADELPHIA — Local dad Ken Schmidt reportedly spent the majority of a father-son trip to WrestleMania 40 commenting on the poor craftsmanship of the ringside…
It’s happened to all of us: You start watching Jim Henson’s 1986 cult classic “Labyrinth,” and despite the movie transporting you to a fantastical land…
LOS ANGELES — Self-help book “Addicted to Success: Eight Habits of the Highly Motivated” reportedly watched helplessly today as its self-improvement lessons were completely ignored…
NEW YORK — New York Times headliner editor Percy Howard patted himself on the back today after writing a headline describing Israeli soldiers opening fire…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local priest Pastor Stephen Kramer is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after hearing Christian ska band Skadom and Gomhorna play for his…
Those pigs got nothin’ on you that will stick, so instead of calling that shitty lawyer that screwed up your public intoxication case last time,…
CHICAGO — Punk dad Paul Bourne was briefly overcome by a wave of nostalgia for his reckless life before kids after seeing a carefree man…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local metalhead Trent Clayton remains hopeful that the Slayer reunion festival tour schedule didn’t conflict with his pending Capitol Riot court date,…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has always dedicated his life to two things: public service, and public humiliation. Even as he worked tirelessly to help the…
The year was 1992. I had just clocked out at Spencer’s Gifts and walked across the mall to catch the next showing of “Aladdin.” Robin…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…