NYPD Unveils AI Surveillance Program to Help Them Arrest Wrong Guy 70% Faster
NEW YORK — The New York City Police Department unveiled a new AI surveillance program that promised to help them…
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Matt Husser — Page 5
103 stories found
Mark Zuckerberg, Recipient of World’s First Rat Penis Transplant, Announces Meta Will Stop Fact Checking
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, medical pioneer who received the world's first experimental rat penis transplant, announced…
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Opinion: Jokes on You, I Wanted to Spend Christmas in This Disneyland Holding Cell
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the inside of this subterranean Disneyland prison complex is so delightful. That's right,…
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Opinion: There Are Dozens of Songs About Wanting to Fuck Santa But I Write One Song About Getting Snowplowed by Frosty and Suddenly I’m Banned From Caroling
Go through the Christmas carol canon and there are dozens of songs about wanting to to fuck Santa Claus. “Santa…
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Meet Cute? I Tried to Grab a Cop’s Gun and We Both Can’t Stop Blushing After Our Hands Briefly Touched
When I left home to become a big-time mall Santa divorce attorney in New York City, I never thought I'd…
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Flair Bartender Probably Didn’t Need to Do All That With Man’s Prosthetic Leg
LAS VEGAS — Flair bartender Nico Cavalcante drew criticism from his customers today after they all agreed that he probably…
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Joe Biden Visited By Own Ghost
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was reportedly startled late last night after he was unexpectedly visited by his own ghost,…
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Latest Democratic Fundraiser Email Just Nancy Pelosi Asking For a Ride to the Airport
WASHINGTON — Democratic voters were left puzzled today after the party's latest round of fundraising emails was just Nancy Pelosi…
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Revised Project 2025 Memo Reveals Only Approved Birth Control “Watching Old Man Tongue Down an Ice Cream Cone”
WASHINGTON — A newly leaked Project 2025 memo revealed a recent revision that would restrict nearly all forms of birth…
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Billy Corgan Exits Joe Rogan Podcast Interview Convinced World is a Flat Vampire
AUSTIN, Texas — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan left his recent interview on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast convinced that…
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