ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local Halloween party attendees were seen struggling to make it through all nine and a half minutes of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” by…
BALTIMORE — Recently deceased punk Cary Lowery’s will primarily consisted of returning the stolen property he took from his closest friends over the years, confirmed…
BRAINTREE, Mass. — A leak revealed that local punk band We Wear the Mask only keeps their second guitarist, Davey Thompson, in the lineup because…
In the quiet aftermath of loss, when the world seems to grind to a halt and grief hangs heavy in the air, there’s a stark,…
Remember the good ol’ days of the early 2000s, when we were blissfully ignorant of social media and the internet was barely out of its…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Experts warned that if re-elected, former President Trump’s stringent border policies could prevent thousands of Canadian girlfriends from making it to American…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Local man Brian Langley, who often proclaims he “likes all music except country and rap,” is reportedly feeling vindicated after assault allegations…
VeggieTales has always been a beacon of moral lessons and ethical Christian teachings, but what if these characters went off the deep end? A dark…
Ah, the ’90s—flannel shirts, grunge music, and the unmistakable voice of Kurt Cobain. But while the world has never quite let go of Nirvana’s frontman,…
LOUISVILLE, Ky.. — Guests at local man Ricky Ellis’ house party endured an agonizing 30-minute wait for eccentric cocktails from their overenthusiastic host who has…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Greg Walters reportedly found the answer to all of life’s problems and challenges in the form of a non-running 1985 Ford…
CHICAGO — Longtime fans of The Smashing Pumpkins are reportedly shocked and infuriated that the band’s latest release, “Aghori Mhori Mei,” is actually pretty darn…
In a world where everyone claims to be triggered and everyone is offended by something, it’s clear that the glorious, unfiltered masterpiece that the 2024…
Filmmaker John Hughes gifted us with a cinematic tapestry where children, teens, and adults navigated the tumultuous waters of school, careers, love, family, and self-discovery.…
Threads Users Hearing Rumors That Biden Is Considering Dropping Out of Presidential Race
SAN FRANCISCO — Users on the social media platform Threads were recently abuzz with news that President Joe Biden might be considering dropping out of…