I was hoping for a quiet weekend. Watering plants near the window, I noticed my neighbor outside, clutching his chest. It’s a heart attack and…
DURHAM, N.C. — Researchers at Duke University made the startling discovery that the male brain does not fully mature until death, confirmed sources who didn’t…
Another year, another plan to disappear completely and never be found. It’s not an instinct universally shared, but how else are you going to cash…
MILPITAS, Calif. — Local data analyst Wendell Peters reportedly received the dreaded “we need to talk” text message, sent from his AI ChatBot Girlfriend, confirmed…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
It was supposed to be another Uber ride. After I received confirmation, I thought it was strange that my driver’s photo looked like A-list movie…
BOSTON — Studies conducted at MIT show that when visiting a Chipotle Mexican Grill location, the person in front of you will always be a…
Congratulations, you’re back at a family gathering and tolerating it as long as you can. Time for your mom to grab that karaoke mic, bust…
NILES, Calif. — The National Park Service announced that its latest addition, Niles Canyon National Park, offers the optimal environment for visitors to spend time…
LOS ANGELES – Director David Fincher admits he feels honored to be one of the filmmakers influencing another generation of shitty dudes with his most…
It’s almost 2 a.m., you’re at the end of your shift, and you want to send a gentle message to the remaining bar patrons: go…
As a new employee at Sunny Horizons, you’ve been warned before: don’t touch the aux cord. There is a pre-programmed radio station for seniors, quietly…
MORRISTOWN, N.J. — Local punk band formerly known as Shit Boy changed their name to Red Bump Eyelid Symptoms, hoping to convert frequent Google searches…
STAUNTON, Va. — Local board members at Staunton’s Green Hills of Grace Church are vocally championing J.K. Rowling, despite enforcing a household ban on Harry…
Help! My Partner Comments on Social Media Posts From Our Local News Station
It wasn’t always like this. They were barely on social media. It began slowly, like all terror: just the occasional comment on a tragic news…