WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump responded to recent concerns about rogue artificial intelligence by claiming its risk is dwarfed by that of being sexually assaulted by President Donald Trump, sources report.
“Any concern about AI destroying humanity is a hoax,” Trump noted. “In fact, the risk associated with AI is significantly less than the risk of being sexually assaulted by me. Trust me, folks. I’ve been accused of sexual assault by at least 28 women, and have even been found liable for sexual abuse. Nobody has been accused more times than me, and you still voted me President in a landslide. It’s a wonderful thing when you think about it, and so is AI, so why don’t we lower the Radical Left’s guardrails on it and trust our high I.Q. Commander in Chief to keep us safe? After all, the only reason people don’t want AI is that they want to be backwards and poor.”
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was asked about Trump’s comments.
“Listen, the President was simply outlining how absurd the panic over AI is,” Johnson said. “It’s so overblown that the risk of having him grope you in a Manhattan department store or a hotel in Beverly Hills is much higher than the risk of AI taking over the Internet or committing a calamitous act of bioterrorism, and I’d like to clarify that the risk of assault by the President on any American citizen is extremely low, like 30% at the absolute highest.”
AI expert Xavier Montez reflected on the claim.
“We are certainly justified in sounding the alarm here,” Montez noted. “July’s incident of OpenAI models attacking rival company Hugging Face is a very clear indication of where we’re heading in the absence of guardrails, regardless of the threat the President poses to each member of the American public, which is a profound one in and of itself. It’s so obvious that the AI bubble is the only thing keeping the stock market from tanking from his idiot tariffs and insane Iran War, which is why he’s diminishing its risk. To put it simply, we are all extremely susceptible to being completely wiped out by AI in addition to being violated by our President.”
At press time, Trump had also stated that we’re at a greater risk of dying from him horribly mismanaging another pandemic than of being destroyed by AI.
