CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Administrators at Harvard University are currently reaching out to everyone in their network and asking if anyone knows a good lawyer who might be able to take on the Trump administration, sources confirmed.
“In a bit of a pickle here. Anyone out there got any good lawyer recs? Hopefully nothing too expensive, any leads are appreciated,” said the official Harvard account in a post on X. “Can’t talk too much about it here, but really looking for a lawyer that specializes in tax code, immigration, free speech, constitutional law, and has experience in front of the Supreme Court. DMs are open if you know anyone good. Kind of a rush job. Please help!!!!!”
Harvard Law Professor Jane Krueger hopes that some of her past students went on to become lawyers and might be willing to help out.
“I’ve been a professor here for nearly 20 years, so I’d expect at least a handful of the thousands of people I’ve taught eventually passed the bar exam. The only person that comes to mind right now is Greg Giraldo, but he died years ago,” said Krueger. “This would be easy if we needed a good doctor or a dentist. But lawyers are tricky; a lot of them just seem to disappear into the gears or corporate America and never really stick their heads out again. But hopefully we find something soon before Trump signs an executive order demanding Harvard be lit on fire.”
Legal scholar Edward P. Finnegan believes Harvard is just looking for free legal advice.
“This is the problem with being a lawyer sometimes. You have these major institutions with billion-dollar endowments hitting you up just to be like ‘Hey, the President of the United States is assaulting our right to operate freely, do you do free consultations?’ And it’s such a waste of time, because at this point, a lot of these major universities just end up using ChatGPT to get legal advice,” said Finnegan. “Also, Harvard loves to trade for services. They want you to represent them in a case that could set a legal precedent for decades, and they will let you take a semester of night classes at their School of Visual and Performing Arts for free. It’s not the best deal.”
In an effort to move public opinion to it’s favor, Harvard is also asking around to see if anyone can put them in touch with a good comedy writer.