Let’s get this out in the open: these rankings are definitive, and we will fight every single person with a fucked-up “Jane Doe’ stick and poke tattoo over it. Bring your broken beer bottles and switchblades to Hard Times headquarters and wait for us in the parking lot by the taco truck. Even if you do show up, your arms will still be too infected to throw a real punch, and everyone knows it.
10. Halo in a Haystack (1994)
Converge’s debut release is a lot like a freshman high school yearbook photo—looking back, there was some good stuff even if the guy in the picture turned out to be a sketchy bartender that sells drugs and exotic meat out of the back of his hometown bar now. Good thing Jacob Bannon is the vegan, straight edge type. Otherwise, listening to this album would be depressing instead of nostalgic.
Play it again: “I Abstain”
Skip it: “Exhale
9. When Forever Comes Crashing (1998)
This album is the one your cool, older cousin Tony liked. Tony loved this album as much as he loved huffing glue and stealing bikes. He listened to it while you pissed the sleeping bag because you weren’t ready to hear this album when you were 10. But what were you doing hanging out with a 17-year-old, anyway? You weren’t ready for it then, and it’s honestly not worth dredging it back up and the subsequent therapist’s appointment now.
Play it again: “Conduit,” “Year of the Swine”
Skip it: “Ten Cents,” “In Harm’s Way”
8. Petitioning the Empty Sky (1996)
Overall, this album is classic Converge. However, it is the only Converge album featuring an alarm clock in a song’s intro. Alarm clocks are for cops. Fuck cops and fuck songs that remind us of cops. Also, why is our sleep paralysis demon Gabe painted on the cover? That guy is the worst. Cops and demons aside, this album is objectively better than the entire Rush discography.
Play it again: “The Saddest Day”
Skip it: “Albatros”
7. Bloodmoon: I (2021)
This collaboration with Chelsea Wolfe is the only album in the Converge discography that you can properly do drugs to. We’ll stop short of calling it Boston’s “Dark Side of the Moon”, but if you light some incense and shotgun a couple Mountain Dews, you’ll really blast off, man. Tripping on caffeine and yellow dye 5 to this album is transformative. So transformative, you’ll forget you sublease a one-room apartment from your ex-wife’s step-uncle with two cats and a Russian man that hates cats.
Play it again: “Viscera of Men”
Skip it: “Failure Forever”
6. All We Love We Leave Behind (2012)
You might remember this album for its tight transitions that make the songs seem to bleed together through a minefield of squelches and feedback as well as the surprise full-album visualizer posted to YouTube in advance of the album’s release. The video features vibrating colors and patterns interplaying with one another while the songs vary between jackhammers full of rage and plodding, glacial doom. Huh. Maybe there are two Converge records you can do drugs to. I’ll go get the Mountain Dew!
Play it again: “Tender Abuse,” “Sadness Comes Home”
Skip it: “Coral Blue,” “Precipice”
5. The Dusk in Us (2017)
Imagine having a baby with a dude and he writes “A Single Tear” in response. Pretty sick, right? If there’s anything babies and new moms love, it’s thrashing guitars, guttural screams, and breakneck drumming that are the perfect soundtrack for chugging 12 warm beers. Almost enough to make you treat every day like it’s Father’s Day.
Play it again: “Wildlife”, “The Dusk in Us”, “A Single Tear”
Skip it: “Thousands of Miles Between Us”
4. You Fail Me (2004)
This album about failure and loss is a lot more fun than it sounds. First off, the album cover is a severed hand, and who doesn’t love finding one of those? Plus, it’s got these inspirational song titles like, “Death King” and “In Her Blood” which are—a better time than you think.
Play it again: “Black Cloud”
Skip it: “In Her Shadow”
3. Jane Doe (2001)
This album is the Sergeant Peppers for aging hardcore dudes clinging to their camo cargo shorts and ‘90s Honda Civic hatchback. Those dudes have it at number one, but if we’re honest, the cover is more iconic than the music. Good thing you’re cranking out that bootleg merch in your mom’s garage! Why should Converge be the only people raking in cash on hoodies, tank tops, hats, banners, bandanas, tee-shirts, onesies, ashtrays, coozies, and tumblers with the visage of a stoic woman emblazoned on it? Nothing says, “I had 00-gauged ears twenty years ago!” like Jane Doe merch.
Play it again: “Homewrecker”
Skip it: “Distance and Meaning”
2. No Heroes (2006)
“No Heroes” sounds like the band caught an eagle and put it in a blender—sorry, not sorry, PETA. The main ingredients in this bird smoothie include some of the most unintelligible lyrics in the Converge discography, razor-sharp guitars that only get better as the album progresses, drama, and the absolute wall-smasher that is “No Heroes”. This refreshing, feather soda should be played loud because it is the work of a group of musicians hellbent on playing heavy music at a blistering pace and killing rare birds at a rate captive breeders cannot keep up with.
Play it again: “No Heroes,” “Grim Heart/Black Rose,” and everything after
Skip it: “Weight of the World”
1. Axe to Fall (2009)
When “Axe To Fall” came out, the 2008 financial crisis was fresh in the air, Millennials were ruining the restaurant industry with avocado toast, and Converge was ripping America’s underwear right over its head with this album. From the blistering opening of “Dark Horse” to the depths of “Cruel Bloom” and “Wretched World”, this album does it all. The anger and weirdness fit perfectly with the then and now—when things are totally fine and nothing is wrong at all.
Play it again: “Dark Horse,” “Cutter,” “Worms Will Feed / Rats Will Feast,” this record is a 10/10
Skip it: None of ‘em