There was one name that dominated the covers ‘90s hardcore albums and his name was Amorphous Bald Humanoid. Much like how Parker Posey was the “it” girl of the ‘90s indie movie scene, ABH was the “it” model for ‘90s hardcore.
We recently sat down with ABH to discuss the high points and the low points of his very limited career.
THE HARD TIMES: How did you get started in this career and what was your big break?
Amorphous Bald Humanoid: It all started when I booked the gig to be on the cover of Snapcase’s “lookinglasself.” They had wanted to book the featureless humanoid who had done the Embrace cover but he had retired at that point and took a job as a skinwalker out west. I got the gig though and everything really took off for me after that.
You’ve worked with Converge, Bloodlet, Disembodied, and many more. Anyone you wish you had worked with?
I really wanted to get that Earth Crisis “Destroy the Machines” cover but that rat fucker Mike who is another bald humanoid but who has actual facial features got it.
Ever worked with anyone outside of hardcore?
I auditioned for the cover of Blink-182 “Enema of the State” but they said they wanted a hot human porn star and not as they said “a horrific formless creature who looks like a first year art school student’s final project.”
Things seemed to start to slow down for you in the 2000’s. What do you think happened?
Seems like at that point everyone just wanted some kind of skull with splattered bullshit everywhere. Like Photoshop just threw up on every cover. I started to lose gigs.
How did that affect you?
It was rough, I had to move out of my condo in Santa Monica and into the interdimensional domain beyond human comprehension with my parents.
Anything else?
It all really came crashing down once Jane Doe left me for that skeleton guy from The Misfits.
What do you do now for work?
I’m an un-sanctioned Slenderman impersonator for tourists in Times Square. It’s not bad, it pays the bills. The other mascots who work there always complain about how bad the German tourists smell but luckily I can’t tell since I have no actual orrifices.
Any plans to get back into the hardcore scene?
I heard Snapcase is doing some shows soon. Thought it would be great to go onstage with them and be like an in-person mascot like Eddie from Iron Maiden. I reached out to them and haven’t heard back I hope it works out. Finger crossed! Well, not fingers since I don’t have them but you know what I mean.