CALABASAS, Calif. — 73-year-old Wagnerian rock legend Michael “Meat Loaf” Aday was appalled to learn yesterday that Millennials have accepted and even embraced the act of… that.
“I saw my granddaughter’s Tinder app thing, and there’s a whole section for… THAT!” the famed singer told us. “And don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude — I enjoy a good Flying Camel or Swiss Ball Blitz any day of the week, but I won’t… well, you know the rest. Millennials need to learn that love should be pure and decent, going only as far as say Baltimore Snow Angels or Hot Patooties, but never that.”
Meat Loaf’s granddaughter Taylor Aday responded with a more modern take on the sexual wellness benefits of… that.
“That’s actually common in certain communities, and shaming people for enjoying and requesting it is a very boomer mentality,” said Taylor. “The man who introduced the world to that should be capable of seeing the mental health and wellness benefits of normalizing salad tossing, scrambled egging, and even… that. If people want to get out of the frying pan and into the fire, they should have the right to do so without fear of persecution.”
Respected Human Sexuality Professor and proud Gen X’er Dr. Camellia Romanko sees Mr. Loaf’s position in the sex and wellness community as an opportunity to heal the generation’s conflicting ideals.
“Meat Loaf’s contribution to sexual wellness and discovery should honestly be celebrated, especially following years of pondering what ‘that’ may even be referring to,” Dr. Romanko said. “The boomer generation was a little more conservative, only taking things as far as the occasional Frothy Walrus or Screwnicorn, but Millennials are compassionate enough to accept and even embrace more exploratory acts. Positions like that could very well be the thing that invites the conversation to bridge the divide, and lead Americans to truly see paradise by the dashboard light.”
Research has shown that Gen Z has in fact already embraced that and incorporates it regularly into coitus, commonly referring to the act as “Meat Loafing.”