The transcendental quintessence of art lies in its ineffable capacity to evoke profound emotional resonance and intellectual contemplation. Through a symphony of chromatic intricacies and…
It can be difficult to communicate to everyone how horny you are in a way that all parties understand. Gone are the days when you…
COLLEGE PARK, Md. – A new study suggests that the Cro-Mags may have used Pro Tools in the Late Hardcore Phase, contradicting earlier theories about…
Bad news, folks. This weekend I went on one of my journeys into the spiritual realm to convene with the higher beings and, rather than…
PORTLAND, Ore.—Sage Copeland, who has never driven a day in his life, is adamant that his automobile abstinence is an environmental thing and nothing else,…
Just like the bower bird with his bower or the black widow spider with his lively rump dance, human men often go to great lengths…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — The Florida Legislature announced the passing of a bill securing $500 million in grant money to develop a special cargo short that…
What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before, and definitely not one in…
DARBY, Penn. — Local punk mother Janelle Zander was mortified to discover her son, whom she believed was out partying with friends, was actually diligently…
Well, it’s been another terrifying week but you’ve made it through with your heart, brain, and most of your fingers intact. Oh, we almost forgot…
Growing up as a millennial was tough. The internet came along and changed the world, and our parents were too self-absorbed and lead-poisoned to ever…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local “occasional” smoker Samantha Terrett recently realized her secret pack of cigarettes reserved for emergencies was empty for the fifth time this…
Limp Bizkit’s ‘Significant Other’ has hit the quarter-century mark this year and so does the anniversary of you losing your virginity. Unfortunately, the two are…
GARY, Ind. — Chicago-bound United passenger Colin Jenkins refused to uncross his arms and assume the crash position despite the plane being in an irreversible…
Razor & Tie Records might not be currently active, but it will always cut our life into pieces. The violent-only-in-its-name label (they’re a bunch of…