LONDON – Negotiator Peter Franks decided to take on the much easier job of finally getting Israel to agree to a ceasefire with Hamas after…
DENVER — Local man Davey Hilton was “severely bummed” upon learning his new roommate, Nina McKenna, was the “intrusive thoughts” variety of OCD, instead of…
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a worse man-made blight on this planet than private equity firms. All they are good for is making obscenely wealthy…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Black metal fan and Watain concert attendee Caleb Anderson’s choice of a tucked-in polo shirt was apparently the most disturbing part of…
Going on a first date can be rough. Going on a blind first date can be rougher. But going on a blind first date as…
WASHINGTON – Experts at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recently claimed that depressed people will no longer have to make the lengthy trek to…
Ruh-roh! Run out of toilet paper and wonder what else you can use? Luckily, you can’t afford to own a toilet let alone the sewer…
WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of mandatory-viewing Giant Desk Concerts, according…
Another week has passed you by, and you’ve done nothing to expand your worldview. Namely, in the field of new music. Your friends are worried…
In a world where everyone claims to be triggered and everyone is offended by something, it’s clear that the glorious, unfiltered masterpiece that the 2024…
TOPEKA, Kan. – Local boring millennial Harley Shun admitted that he is horribly embarrassed by his drunken antics which made him enjoyable to be around…
The political divide in this country has never been more extreme. Americans have been siloed into two opposing groups with no seemingly little hope to…
JEROME, Ariz. — Workers at Maynard James Keenan’s Caduceus Cellars were reportedly debating what to do with pallets of unsold “Stinkfist Chardonnay” after the Tool…
Dear friends, family, and colleagues, It would seem that my most recent post on Facebook has caused a lot of confusion, and dare I say…
CARMEL, Ind. — Wells Fargo Bank announced the acquisition of a quaint two bedroom to settle down and raise little banks, sources who couldn’t catch…