PORTLAND, Ore. — American indie band The Decemberists announced that they finally located a time portal that will allow them to return to the 1830s,…
WHEELING, W. Va. — Local conservative Jerry Wardmore repeatedly stated that Vice President Kamala Harris’ proposed ban on grocery price-gouging is “downright communist” despite complaining…
You know, folks, there’s a question that keeps me up at night, and I think it’s time we all start asking it out loud. What…
NEW YORK — Local Parole Officer Janet Williams admitted she was in a state of disbelief while cataloging the “dumbest fucking tattoos” of hardcore music…
A few days into visiting a friend in California, we got free tickets to a taping of “Real Time with Bill Maher.” I guess my…
CLINTON, Mass. — Self-professed food connoisseur Noah Frawley boasts the unusual ability to determine the provenance of microwaved gas station burritos, according to mildly impressed…
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, kinks were very much alive and well. The struggle against the Empire is so all-consuming…
BANGOR, Maine — The Ghost of Downing Manor was reportedly feeling pressure to be “on” and haunt the family that just moved into his house…
First of all, I am allowed to have a social life. I’m not just gonna sit alone in my apartment like there is no life…
MILWAUKEE — Local sad sack and frequent concert attendee Jorges Henderson recently had his spirits lifted after hearing the singer of the band Stubbourne say…
If you’re remotely interested in multi-genre metal, or you went to the Savannah College of Art and Design, chances are you know of Baroness. Their…
RICHMOND, Va.— Local man Brent Gould shocked and confused all those in attendance at the funeral of his recently deceased friend when he opened his…
Boy, we sure are having a great time at this deathcore concert, aren’t we? These drop A tunings and inhaled death growls are really pumping…
SETSONVILLE, Md. — A recent influx of white people who are somehow even more wealthy and entitled than the last bunch caused area microbreweries to…
The Trump campaign has been in a downward spiral ever since the media caught wind of the fact that he and everyone around him are…