A month ago today, I was hit by a minivan in a Golden Corral parking lot. A tunnel of white light enveloped me with a…
CHICAGO — Longtime fans of The Smashing Pumpkins are reportedly shocked and infuriated that the band’s latest release, “Aghori Mhori Mei,” is actually pretty darn…
There’s never been a more dangerous time to be a young American. School shootings have been steadily on the rise in this country, and shooters…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Troy Floor, lead singer of the band Surfside, was apparently really showing off that he knew all the words to his…
Making new friends as an adult can be challenging. But fear not, good reader—here are our tried-and-true tips for how to make a brand new…
ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Local resident and supposed Staind fan Brandon Vintner wasn’t even present at the attempted coup on the U.S. Capitol on January…
QUINCY, Mass. — Supermarket chain Stop & Shop announced that their stores would no longer sell cigarettes due to poor sales from the vast decline…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — A troubling economic report revealed that 48% of this year’s projected Burning Man attendees don’t have enough of their parents’…
LONDON – Negotiator Peter Franks decided to take on the much easier job of finally getting Israel to agree to a ceasefire with Hamas after…
DENVER — Local man Davey Hilton was “severely bummed” upon learning his new roommate, Nina McKenna, was the “intrusive thoughts” variety of OCD, instead of…
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a worse man-made blight on this planet than private equity firms. All they are good for is making obscenely wealthy…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Black metal fan and Watain concert attendee Caleb Anderson’s choice of a tucked-in polo shirt was apparently the most disturbing part of…
Going on a first date can be rough. Going on a blind first date can be rougher. But going on a blind first date as…
WASHINGTON – Experts at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recently claimed that depressed people will no longer have to make the lengthy trek to…
Ruh-roh! Run out of toilet paper and wonder what else you can use? Luckily, you can’t afford to own a toilet let alone the sewer…