Trump to Guest Star on Upcoming Episode of “The Pitt”
BURBANK, Calif — President and part-time actor Donald Trump will make a guest appearance on an upcoming episode of medical drama "The Pitt", according to sources close to the production. "From day one, we have strived for realism in our dep…
Roommate Technically Right But Doesn’t Need To Be a Little Bitch About It
SEATTLE — Longtime resident of the self-styled “Vanguard of the Proletarian Bohemian Collective” Adam Stewart admitted that he was in the wrong about leaving dishes… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Nerd Alert: Man Quits Drinking Just Because Doctors, Family Beg Him To
CVS Employee Who Unlocks Embarrassing Ointments Never Forgets a Face
LOS ANGELES — Martin Espinosa, a local CVS employee tasked with unlocking the store’s glass cases containing creams, ointments, and other topicals for the embarrassing… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
A Man of the World: This Guy Is Actually Open to a Short-Term Relationship
This declaration on a dating app translates to: “man willing to date someone temporarily.” The man in question is 33-year-old Scott Tolbert, who describes himself… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Researchers Unveil Sex Robot Capable of Feeling Shame About What Just Happened
Inspiring! This Non-Profit Raised 7 Billion Dollars for Temporary Sports Arenas During the Largest Homelessness Crisis in Modern History
Amidst the largest homeless crisis in modern day history, The International Olympic Committee was able to raise 7 billion dollars to bravely build temporary sports… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Trust Fund Hipsters Return To Ancestral Coachella Grounds to Mate
INDIO, Cali. – As the sun broke over the mountains of the Coachella Valley this morning, thousands of first-day festival attendees were lucky enough to witness the annual migration of trust fund hipsters returning to their ancestral ground in order…
12-Year-Old Audiophile Insists Weird Al Sounds 'Warmer' On Vinyl
ALBUQUERQUE — Local 12-year-old audiophile Jimmy Johanson reportedly insists that famed accordion virtuoso “Weird Al”…
Marky Ramone Announces Ramones Reunion Show With Hologram Joey Ramone, Hologram Johnny Ramone, Hologram Dee Dee Ramone
BROOKLYN HEIGHTS, N.Y. — Ramones drummer Marky Ramone announced an upcoming reunion show that will…
Dave Mustaine Reveals He Only Gave His Life to Jesus Christ After Every Other Deity Rejected Him
LA MESA, Calif. — Megadeth frontman and born again Christian Dave Mustaine revealed that he…
Punk House Microwave Needs To Be Preheated
PORTLAND, Ore. — The Black Hole House of Portland reportedly contains a microwave which needs…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…
