MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Pioneering emo band Within Without announced the release of a new B-sides and rarities album which will let fans hear their favorite…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — The stages at the upcoming Warped Tour revival will reportedly be placed 100 feet away from the all-ages audience in order…
As anyone without children can tell you, being a childless adult is the absolute pinnacle of human existence. It rules, it’s awesome, it’s the best.…
ORLANDO, FLa. — Young fans of the legendary Warped Tour are frustrated to find that tickets for the 2025 revival tour are so expensive they…
ST. LOUIS — Guinness World Records announced that Dave Flenderson broke the world record for the longest-running Smiths phase in history, confirmed sources who didn’t…
For decades now, the dumpster witch has been known for being spotted at iconic locations like Winkie’s Diner, recurring nightmares, and some of the best…
BRAINTREE, Mass. — A leak revealed that local punk band We Wear the Mask only keeps their second guitarist, Davey Thompson, in the lineup because…
WASHINGTON — Legendary frontman Ian MacKaye stunned longtime fans by revealing the song “Straight Edge” was not meant to be an anti-drug anthem, but a…
We all know Stephen King as the master of the macabre, so we thought it would be fun to subvert expectations and use our interview…
LOS ANGELES — An astounding display of skill and expertise was observed today as local punk sommelier Evan Weaver correctly guessed the month the milk…
“The Star Spangled Banner” is as timeless as the United States of America itself. But if it’s so revered, why does it contain exactly zero…
CHICAGO — A local jam session reportedly went so awry that for the first time in millennia, none of the participants suggested they should start…
Every so often, you meet some horrible person who doesn’t fully understand what a social contract is. We all know someone that when you ask:…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Local Weakerthans fan Graham Neal is reportedly unable to extend his performance in the bedroom by using the classic “just think about…
DEERFIELD, Ill. – Walgreens announced today that it would be closing 1,200 retail stores after unsuccessfully implementing a policy of locking entire facades of their…