Mark my words. If Donald Trump loses the 2020 presidential election I am moving to the only other place that comes to mind when I…
SAN DIEGO — Junior designer Lewis Cooper allegedly accidentally contaminated his entire office with the deadly coronavirus yesterday, thanks to his fear of calling in…
With the 2020 election cycle heating up, it’s impossible to go a single day without hearing about Bernie Sanders, the “progressive” who promises to radically…
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal legends Mötley Crüe, preparing for an upcoming reunion tour, admitted today that they are excited to introduce their iconic catalogue…
WASHINGTON — Presidential hopeful, and supposed socialist, Bernie Sanders selfishly won his third state during the democratic primary and seems completely unwilling to share the…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Local straight edge man Matt Parrish reportedly thinks that his girlfriend of eight months is only interested in him for his clean,…
I am not the enemy. I think the system fucking stinks! Yeah, I said it. On Twitter AND Instagram. You should see how many rose…
CHICAGO — Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg admitted yesterday that, in times of quiet reflection, he often daydreams about ordering the first openly LGBTQ drone…
Anarcho-punk is deeply rooted in left-wing politics and DIY culture. Few other genres of music can boast the same dedication. However, it can be hard…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Local woman and Three Days Grace Family Care Clinic patient Wendy Adair was instructed yesterday by her nü-metal doctor to open her…
HOUSTON — Veteran obstetrician Brian Lein spent upwards of 10 minutes yesterday indifferently tugging on a patient’s newborn in an attempt to untangle the rat’s…
So it said on your profile that you enjoy rock climbing. Well, I have a paralyzing fear of heights but I’d totally go and watch…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced this morning that the social media giant is launching a new reaction option to allow users…
Nostalgia for the ‘90s appeals to absolutely everyone. You can’t even work a shift at Kroger without seeing someone in a “Dexter’s Lab” graphic tee,…
CAPE MAY, N.J. — Punk mom Tracy Barber admitted today that the forearm tattoos listing the names of her children are more a “practical reminder”…