NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying done quietly in their bathrooms,…
It’s hard to envision how society will look in a post coronavirus world. Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe this disease will wipe us…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crust punk Aaron Beckman compromised his health this week when his self-made coronavirus facemask inadvertently exposed him to 32 other rare…
CHICAGO — A panel of experts practicing social distancing across the country are reeling today, following the discovery that it is somehow already 4:05 p.m.…
As we wait patiently for president dementia tits to take a break from eating taco bowls while wiping his ass with girl scouts and weigh…
MADISON, Conn. — Local dad Elliot Chapman announced today that, in addition to keeping six feet of physical distance to flatten the curve of the…
The 1980s were a great time for dudes in leather. Biker vests, chaps, and studded gloves, baby! As every true WWE fan knows, the ’80s…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham stole a substantial portion of his daughter’s cereal this morning to help him “stay sharp” for when…
BURBANK, Calif. — Production on the FOX reality show “LEGO Masters” was halted indefinitely today after some asshole stuck all the flat LEGO pieces together,…
SALT LAKE CITY — Longtime Imagine Dragons fan Katie Graham celebrated her 11th birthday this week with a dull celebration modeled after her favorite band’s…
First things first: I’m totally, completely over my ex, Blythe. So naturally I don’t care about who she marries or that her soon-to-be wife’s name…
DALLAS — Post Malone’s mother Jodie Post unveiled her brand new “Live, Laugh, Love” face tattoo yesterday at her weekly bridge game to a surprisingly…
A lot of people look at me and see a stay-at-home mama with two beautiful, healthy babies, a home, a hubby, and, yes, flawless white…
FLINT, Mich. — Officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday afternoon that Flint, Mich. residents should use only soap when washing…
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings ordered two more weeks of nationwide quarantine to give subscribers a chance to rewatch and “fully wrap…