Given that we’ve been in some sort of recession or another ever since I’ve been old enough to know the word “republican,” it’s time we…
NEW YORK — Quarantined high school bully Evan Maddox, under stay-at-home orders for the past three weeks, gave himself swirlies yesterday out of desperation, amused…
Opinion: I Hope We Can Still Be Friends Because I May Need to Borrow Money or Your Car at Some Point
Opinion: I Hope We Can Still Be Friends Because I May Need to Borrow Money or Your Car at Some Point
Listen, this isn’t working out. Sorry. I’m sure this must come as a shock to you especially since I overdrew our joint bank account last…
ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp announced that the state will close hospitals, re-open bars, and “just let God do his thing or whatever he’s…
Quarantine is hard on relationships. Long term confinement, boredom, and lack of privacy have become major concerns for couples. Resentment can rise high in these…
SAVANNAH, Ga. — Local punk Jake Stanton used a photo of a trashy apartment as his Zoom background yesterday to hide the true nature of…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local dad Craig Harper admitted today that the lockdown set in place to stop the spread of COVID-19 was really fucking up…
It’s nearly impossible to describe the feeling I got from depositing my long-awaited stimulus check. Not sure what word to call it but it definitely…
GENEVA, Switzerland — The World Health Organization released strict new guidelines today to help millions of people quarantined around the world avoid nomination for viral…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — A selection of various movie and television titles gave an ultimatum to the streaming service Netflix last week that if it…
ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp commissioned today the construction of a series of statues commemorating the COVID-19 virus as a way to “preserve its…
Sometimes it takes an extraordinary event to make you see what you’ve been taking for granted. I think we can all agree that the COVID-19…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local quarantined woman Laura Lamont found a creative way to stay busy indoors yesterday by repurposing a bunch of broken glass…
For the 36 million Americans living in solitude during this global pandemic, it’s essential for our sanity that we recognize that being alone is not…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — The long-forgotten can of Campbell’s Cream of Celery soup in the back of a local kitchen cupboard knew the day would arrive…