HARTFORD, Conn. — Local metalhead and rabid Carcass fan Nick Patterson was shocked to learn that despite how it sounds, bloodwork is actually pretty boring,…
With all these women making serious bank on social media sharing their lives as “Trad Wives” it got me thinking: I’m a traditional husband; why…
Punk Wishes He Had Gotten Tattoo of Alkaline Trio’s Heart Logo Instead of a Dog Shitting Razorblades
Punk Wishes He Had Gotten Tattoo of Alkaline Trio’s Heart Logo Instead of a Dog Shitting Razorblades
CHICAGO — Local punk Rikki Fedlimid felt remorseful after getting a tattoo of a dog shitting razorblades to show his love for pop punk mainstays…
It’s the holidays, which means it’s time to go home an delicately navigate social interaction with the right-wing bigots you have nothing in common with…
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the inside of this subterranean Disneyland prison complex is so delightful. That’s right, I might be the one…
ENDICOTT, N.Y. — Local man Jullian Karnes is hopeful for a war waged by the working class towards the wealthy elite this Christmas, but will…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local angsty teen goth hang and ironic t-shirt purveyor Hot Topic traded one of their employees to the more age-appropriate Ann Taylor…
Go through the Christmas carol canon and there are dozens of songs about wanting to to fuck Santa Claus. “Santa Baby.” “I Saw Mommy Kissing…
SEATTLE – Christmas carolers and members of local black metal band Kirkeråte only reached three houses before succumbing to the urge to kill one another,…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Pop punk violinists around the nation are still patiently waiting for their instrument’s popularity in the scene to explode following the “Ocean…
So far, winter break has been pretty cool. I was really excited for Christmas, and I know Mom and Dad hide presents in their closet.…
SAN MATEO, Calif. – President-elect Donald Trump announced via Truth Social his intention to remove “any and all” federal protections for the near-extinct Aquabats. “It’s…
So you’re broke, it’s almost Christmas, and you forgot to buy gifts for everyone. Great news! Turns out that show you’re at right now is…
LONDON — A group of scientists from the British Institute of Music Technologies released a bombshell report predicting that unless drastic measures are taken, the…
When I left home to become a big-time mall Santa divorce attorney in New York City, I never thought I’d end up back in my…