BALTIMORE — Top neuroscientists at Johns Hopkins University developed an innovative procedure that will allow the human brain to offload Matchbox Twenty lyrics in order…
DALLAS — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control raised warning flags about a new strain of Hulkamania found in livestock that, if left untreated,…
Feminism is a scary word for men. Like “dentist” or “accountability,” it evokes visceral reactions from guys who think maternity leave is “woke.” The idea…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local rap-rock band Antagonyze released their latest single “Cop Kisser” which they say should act as a blueprint on how to appreciate…
Congratulations! You’ve made it through another week of wildly conflicting information and malaise. You probably don’t deserve a break, but you should take one anyway.…
MAGA Influencer Volunteers to Spend Two Months In El Salvadoran Mega-Prison to Prove It’s Not So Bad
MAGA Influencer Volunteers to Spend Two Months In El Salvadoran Mega-Prison to Prove It’s Not So Bad
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Popular conservative influencer Jake Fowler intends to “own the libs” by spending two months in a notorious El Salvadoran prison to prove…
Let me make one thing perfectly clear right off the bat: I love Pantera. Their particular brand of in-your-face, street-wise heavy metal served me well…
WASHINGTON — Members of the GOP claimed that the opening lyrics to the Misfits’ song “Last Caress” was proof that people abort babies post-birth, confirmed…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella attendee Kayle Cooper breathed a sigh of relief after discovering the Native American headdress she was going to purchase to wear…
COLUMBIA, Mo. — Punk Charlie Morewin debated whether he should barely learn to play or become a virtuoso upon picking up the bass guitar, sources…
Bro, listen to me. I know you weren’t even gonna come out tonight. Long week. Rent’s late. Life is a fucking joke. But none of…
POTTSTOWN, Pa. — Sarah and Luke Fleming opted to have a child to serve to exempt them from attending any more game nights, according to…
CALGARY, Alberta — A dog cohabitating with some local punks announced that he’s fed up with constantly being falsely accused of vomiting inside the house,…
So you’ve found yourself at a Desolated show, and you want to be certain that nobody other than you gets to enjoy the performance. What’s…
WASHINGTON — President Trump announced a new program to help boost ICE enlistment numbers by promising to forgive any debt incurred by delinquent child support…