CHICAGO — Former Blink-182 guitarist Matt Skiba was seen staring out a window on a rainy day this past week while wondering if Mark Hoppus…
The Muppets have been America’s favorite go-to brand of wholesome entertainment the whole family can truly enjoy since the premier of their pilot episode “The…
WHEELING, W.V. – Supposed Cannibal Corpse fan Gary Morgan is allegedly using a dating app to find a new romantic partner instead of perusing his…
It’s no secret that popular music has become completely pussified. I recently asked my teenage nephew what bands he likes, and he brought up some…
SAEGERTOWN, Pa. — Local punk Brian McFee assured everyone that his newfound wealth would have no impact on his worldview after winning $50 in a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — White progressive voters across the country announced they were excited by how many different races, genders, and ethnicities they can blame for…
WASHINGTON — Vice President-elect J.D. Vance made history earlier this week when he became the first person to hold the office who is extremely unsettling…
APPLETON, Wis. — Local woman Allyson Boyle was completely turned off after discovering that her date Doug Innis referred to his braided goatee as a…
We hear it all the time when a literary classic is put to film: “I enjoyed it, but the movie was so much better.” Even…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — A lineup of bands playing at popular punk house Chalet Cretin has been quickly re-billed as a “basement show” after a…
WASHINGTON — Members of the Kamala Harris campaign admit they were deeply troubled by the complete lack of dead people voting in this year’s election,…
WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple…
WEST CHESTER, Penn. — Local Trump supporter Stephen Hall confirmed that he is happy about Trump’s win, but is a “little disappointed” that he won’t…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. – Local World War II enthusiast Edward Spencer says he is looking forward to witnessing the rise of fascism unfold in real-time, horrified…
RICHMOND, Va. — Trey Bollinger, proud owner of a $91,273 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD, accused Tesla Cybertruck owners of being “totally fucking ridiculous,” confirmed sources…