I recently purchased a bottle of Johnson & Johnson’s Baby Shampoo with the expectation that my prolonged bouts of showertime sadness would subside thanks to…
ATLANTA — New data from DraftKings indicates mathcore band The Callous Daoboys are an unlikely favorite to make it to next year’s Super Bowl, while…
RICHFIELD, Minn. — Foot traffic at a local Walmart store has dropped off significantly after one of its greeters, unapologetic punk Steve McKenzie, has turned…
We all know representation matters. Whether it’s in the workplace or in our favorite movies and television shows, it’s important to give marginalized communities a…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Nu-metal band Deranged found themselves the pariah of their local scene for failing to misspell their band name, sources report. “I wish…
As the secret proceedings of the Papal Conclave draw to a close, millions of people around the world are waiting with bated breath for the…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Sociologists at the University of Michigan have discovered a shocking correlation between Binaca use and an upcoming date with a smoking…
It was P.T. Barnum’s angsty cousin who once said, “There’s a poser born every minute,” and the older I get, the more I think truer…
MILWAUKEE — Legendary folk-punk group Violent Femmes announced Thursday that the band has finally bought a bass drum after 44 years of using just a…
BOSTON — Local liberal Brian Mullins, who is boycotting any company that he sees as supporting a fascist regime, spends all of his free time…
Listen, it seems like you’re a little upset now that you know I embellished certain aspects of my resume to land this interview, but I…
DAYTON, Ohio — Breeders frontwoman Kim Deal reportedly discovered today that she’d been fired from the Pixies after plugging in an old fax machine in…
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Local dad Sean Nolan is once again using a weird, unexpected, and previously nonexistent slang term for his penis in casual conversation,…
When you’re struggling to succeed in today’s fast-paced B2B sales landscape, it’s easy to second-guess whether you’re cut out for this line of work or…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Steve “Vomit” Parker reportedly began his annual metamorphosis into a Sublime guy after temperatures cracked the upper 50s this week, sources…