Hey, pervert! I see you fingering through the Roxy Music vinyls a little slower than all the other sections of the record store. Trying to…
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — The staff of a local Petco could only roll their eyes in secondhand embarrassment as punk Victor Simmons was clearly attempting to…
One of our roommates just moved out with no notice. He wasn’t really a good fit in the house anyway. He always complained about the…
Canadian National Treasure, pioneers in the marketing of microbrews to microgenres, leaders in the field of musical robotics (check out Compressorhead), and loveable hoser weirdos…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Local 43-year-old man Reggie Ferns believed it was harder to make friends in his 40s despite not having much luck in every…
One thing about me is I’m the type of fella who likes to turn a negative into a positive. For instance, when the COVID lockdowns…
WILLISTON, N.D. — Participants of a weekly karaoke night cringed in disbelief as a local businessman’s booze-fueled “We Didn’t Start the Fire” teetered on the…
The transcendental quintessence of art lies in its ineffable capacity to evoke profound emotional resonance and intellectual contemplation. Through a symphony of chromatic intricacies and…
It can be difficult to communicate to everyone how horny you are in a way that all parties understand. Gone are the days when you…
COLLEGE PARK, Md. – A new study suggests that the Cro-Mags may have used Pro Tools in the Late Hardcore Phase, contradicting earlier theories about…
Bad news, folks. This weekend I went on one of my journeys into the spiritual realm to convene with the higher beings and, rather than…
PORTLAND, Ore.—Sage Copeland, who has never driven a day in his life, is adamant that his automobile abstinence is an environmental thing and nothing else,…
Just like the bower bird with his bower or the black widow spider with his lively rump dance, human men often go to great lengths…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — The Florida Legislature announced the passing of a bill securing $500 million in grant money to develop a special cargo short that…
What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before, and definitely not one in…