BUFFALO—Local extreme music fan “Dirty” Travis Macintyre is eager to showcase his genre knowledge by explaining the brutal song titles of Anal Cunt to a…
WASHINGTON — Steve Bannon, a former Trump adviser, is worried about what will happen to “someone as pretty as him” in prison after a federal…
CENTRAL GAZA — Israeli government officials confirmed that the bombing of a UN school in Gaza, which was carried out using munitions from the United…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Beer delivery driver Harrison Fleming thought he was close to making a new friend, bartender Theo Stills, but ultimately alienated Stills by…
After celebrating another engagement within my friend group, I realized that there was something missing in my life. So I decided it was time to…
BATON ROUGE, La. — The ghost of Winston Batts, a cobbler and hobbyist clarinetist who died in 1944, is finally inspired enough to begin work…
Ozma is one of those bands that should be way bigger than they are. While people complained about Weezer’s arguably lackluster output for the last…
G.I. Joe is the code name for America’s daring, highly trained, special mission force. Its purpose: To defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist…
SPARKS, Nev. — Local methamphetamine addict Chuck “Bucket” Kane was shocked to discover an invitation to tour a secretive drug lab in his bag of…
The mind is an incredible thing when used correctly, but it’s even more impressive when used incorrectly. Concerned coworkers and people who rely on a…
MONTCLAIR, Calif. — Hot Topic announced the rollout of its biggest savings in store history with the inaugural Back to Summer School Sale, sources close…
Philly has unfairly been the butt end of a lot of jokes about being full of misanthropic sports gremlins, but if we’re being honest with…
NOBLESVILLE, Ind. — Local metalhead Lonny Godwin, a man who was conceived in the handicapped stall in the bathroom of The Union Bar in Iowa…
WAUKEE, Iowa — Tardy metalhead Colby Shelton accidentally wore his young sister’s Girl Scout vest to a recent show, mistaking it for his battle vest,…
Walk down the corridors of an oncology wing anywhere in the country and you’ll learn just how “fair” life is. A chorus of “Why her?”…