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Tony Hawk Controversially Wins Tournament After Being Allowed Two Dozen Restarts

MIAMI — Professional skateboarder Tony Hawk surprised the skateboarding community after winning a tournament by successfully convincing the judges to let him start over consequence-free over twenty times. 

“Whoa, the Birdman is back,” said Otto Vaugn, a seriously stoked spectator. “He came out of nowhere and we obviously all freaked out. I mean, just to see Tony Hawk is incredible, let alone witness his return to competition. It was a little soured by the fact that he kept eating shit and asking everyone if it was cool if he restarted, but I mean, who’s going to tell Tony Hawk ‘No’?”

Hawk’s repeated runs at yesterday’s Miami stop of The Dew Tour came following a day’s worth of competition from many of today’s premiere skaters, several of which had mixed feelings about the legend’s return. 

“He’s the greatest of all time, there’s no doubt about that,” said Leo Baker, who was recently included in the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2 remake released earlier this year. “But by the end there he was just screaming ‘Restart!’ every time he messed up and not even waiting for the judge’s approval. Super unfair, but we all just decided it’d be best to let him keep going until he did one he felt good about.”

Following what he’d deemed a successful run, that he pointed out still didn’t feel quite perfect, Hawk announced that the competition would then be able to enter the judging phase, where his 360 Varial McTwist into Rowley Darkslide into 1080 Indy Grab into Wallplant into second 360 Varial McTwist earned him perfect marks from the judges. 

 

“Oh man, it’s so good to be back after all of these years,” said Hawk, following his victory. “I get that some people are pissed about all the restarts, but it is important to me to perform at my absolute highest level. If i’m coming back, you better believe I am going to do everything in my power to protect my legacy. This isn’t a game to me, this is skateboarding.” 

As of press time, Hawk had declared his intentions to enter the mysterious skating competition being held at Area 51 next month.

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