CARLSBAD, Calif. — Local woman Janice Rickards told her husband he could go ahead with his dream of building a mini ramp in their backyard so long as he established his will beforehand, several sources report.
“I just think now is the best time for him to decide which of his children gets what before he inevitably kills himself on that thing,” Mrs. Rickards stated while boxing up some of her husband’s belongings. “We almost lost him a couple years back when he was 43, during the infamous BMX phase. He attempted to bunnyhop a parking cone and landed directly on his spine in front of a bunch of kids at the skatepark. Good thing he doesn’t embarrass easily, or that in of itself would have killed him.”
Alan Rickards believes full well he’s a perfectly competent and skilled skateboarder, so there’s no need to worry.
“I don’t understand what all the hoopla is about. I was a fearless and successful skater back when I was 17, so therefore at 47, I should be even better,” Rickards enthusiastically explained while taking off his millwright uniform. “But first and foremost, I am a dedicated family man, so I honored my wife’s wishes to draw up the will. Now she and I know which of my sons will inherit my prized collection of ‘80s fishtail skate decks and signed ‘Tony Hawk Pro Skater’ promos. But they won’t get ‘em for a very long time.”
Aurther Barnes, a will attorney at the Barnes and Bellow Law Firm, gave some insight into this surprisingly common situation.
“I would say 80 to 90 percent of the wills drawn up here are instigated by someone’s partner having a potentially fatal and stupid idea,” Barnes explained. “We get everything from men wanting to participate in ‘endless wing night,’ to them wanting to join in on the county fair demolition derby. One time, a wife made her husband make sure his inheritance was in order before playing keyboard in an ASIA cover band out of fear he’d be bullied to death. It’s a good thing too, because he didn’t last more than 2 weeks.”
At press time, Alan Rickards had already suffered significant injuries while just building the mini ramp.