ADELPHI, Md. — Local Mom, Susan Campbell, informed her son’s band to keep playing and not to pay her any mind as she is just “throwing a load of linens in the dryer and isn’t really even here,” confirmed sources who feel weird playing in front of her.
“I tend to stay out of the boys’ way when they’re practicing, but the day kind of got away from me and you don’t want to leave damp sheets in the washer or they get that weird mildew smell that really sinks in,” the dental hygienist and mother of three reported. “I told them not to stop on my account and asked them if that was a new song because I didn’t think I had heard that one before. They said yes, but seemed kind of cagey. I guess it’s because they probably just see me as Billy’s uncool mom or something. I was that age once, I get it.“
Bill Campbell’s bandmates confirmed his mom’s version of events and added that the interaction kind of threw off band practice.
“Susan, she said we can call her that, came down and I thought maybe we were too loud or something, but she told us to keep practicing and that we ‘sound rockin’,’” remarked guitarist Jason Hughes. “She had on noise-canceling headphones, so she claimed she couldn’t really hear us. I was wondering if she was going to stick around and chat, but she just started the dryer and went back upstairs, and told us to have fun. Bill kind of winced when she called him ‘Billy Bear’ so at least we got something new to needle him about out of it.”
“It was kind of weird, though. I saw some of her underwear,” he added.
Experts note that this sort of interaction is so common it’s practically cliched.
“For kids like Billy, what makes this especially difficult is that his mother is nothing at all the way he’s led his bandmates to believe,” stated child psychologist Jill Levy. “Kids typically exaggerate normal parental behavior as being domineering and unfair, but for punks, it’s especially important for them to present an unstable homelife for the proverbial ‘cred’. As Ms. Campbell is clearly a supportive and positive presence in her son’s life, his facade has been destroyed and he’s been exposed as a poser who should probably leave town on the first train.”
At press time, Mrs. Campbell was calling from the top of the stairs to state they were having lasagna for dinner if his ‘friends” wanted to stay.