British rock band IDLES are known for their raw energy and gruff, in-your-face instrumentals, but it’s their catchy, chaotic lyrics that toe the line between poetry and just plain gibberish that sets them apart. While fans may consider vocalist Joe Talbot to be a lyrical genius, based on our recent trip to the operating table, we think we are more than qualified to step into his shoes should he ever leave the band. See if you can tell the difference between IDLES lyrics and something we said while on anesthesia.
Crawling hurts, but it works for me
I’m alright! I’m alright!
I’m alright! I’m alright!
I’m feeling mani-fucking-fique
Answer: IDLES – Crawl!
While we did spend a good amount of time crawling around the hospital floor, we did not come up with this one.
You pulled my teeth out
Give ‘em back
You pulled my teeth out
I don’t need them
Take two
Take two
Take two
‘Gotta pay your dues
Answer: Anesthesia.
We weren’t getting oral surgery, so we aren’t sure where this one came from but we are glad to report that all of our teeth are accounted for.
Football’s on
All be quiet
Let’s sing together
I said be quiet
Answer: Anesthesia
Apparently, we had been watching The Price Is Right but kept referring to it as football for reasons unknown to us.
I got new shoes
‘Cause I mean business
I mean business
I got new shoes
‘Cause I mean business
I mean business, uh huh
Answer: IDLES – Gram Rock
We aren’t sure what business Joe Talbot was referring to, but if it involves new shoes it must have been serious.
Coo-coo ca choo-choo
Lay on the tracks
Coo-coo ca choo-choo
The hand bites back
Celebrate!
Celebrate!
Answer: Anesthesia.
According to some very unhappy nurses we did in fact try to bite them, although we have no recollection of this.
Let’s seize the day
All hold hands, chase the pricks away
You can do it
You can do it
Yes you can
Woo-hoo!
Answer: IDLES – Mr. Motivator
Whoever this Mr. Motivator is, he’s much more motivational than half of the motivational speakers we’ve listened to.
Man up, sit down
Chin up, pipe down
Socks up, don’t cry
Drink up, just lie
Grow some balls, he said
Grow some balls
Answer: IDLES – Samaritans
While the nurses were telling us to sit down and be quiet, no, this one was not us.
Pick up your hands
Put ‘em on your face
Your face
It’s all yours
Your hands
They’re all yours
Answer: Anesthesia
According to our buddy, we made up a very embarrassing dance for this little chorus we came up with.
Islam didn’t eat your hamster
Change isn’t a crime
So won’t you take my hand sister
And sing with me in time
Great!
Great!
Answer: IDLES – Great
While “great!” was our response whenever we were asked how we were feeling, credit goes to IDLES for this one.
Four feral cats in a garbage vat
They can handle their liquor
Let them dance, let them fuck
Have your way with God
It’s a party!
Answer: Anesthesia.
We’ve spent weeks trying to figure out what this one means and so far we have zero theories.