Entire Town Killed After Installation of Roundabout
GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. — The entire population of nearby Mesa Springs was killed after a roundabout was installed in their…
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Zachary Wolf
51 stories found
Punk GPS Says You’re Approximately Five Cigarettes From Your Destination
JUPITER, Fla. — A new feature in your vehicle’s GPS now measures distance in the time it would take you…
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Greg Ginn Treats New Black Flag Members to Pizza Party at Chuck E. Cheese
AUSTIN, Texas — Guitarist Greg Ginn of Black Flag recently treated the rest of the band to a pizza party…
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Poser Skateboarding Bulldog Pushes Mongo
HONOLULU — Local skateboarding bulldog Excalibur reportedly pushes the board with his back legs instead of his front ones like…
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Opinion: Society Really Started Going Downhill Once They Stopped Making Rich People Villains in Kids Movies
There’s no denying that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and everyone has their opinion on why…
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Am I a Celebrity Now? Amoeba Records Security Wants To Know What’s in My Bag
Man you guys, you’ll never believe what happened to me when I went to Amoeba Records last week! I shouldn’t…
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How I Stopped My Addictive Cigarette Habit by Spending 18 Hours a Day on Instagram
I don’t know why everyone always complains about how hard it is to quit smoking, I did it the first…
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David Bowie Fan Has Completely Different Personality Every Time You See Them
ARKADELPHIA, Ark. — Friends of local David Bowie fan William Malloy report the young man has a completely different personality…
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Everything I Care To Know About Jazz I Learned From the “Twin Peaks” Soundtrack
For a long time I wanted to learn about jazz, but didn’t know where to start. One day I was…
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Metalhead Farmer Reports Highest Sorrow Harvest in Decades
GREENTOWN, Ind. — Local metalhead and harvester Jonas Fitzgerald says this year’s sorrow yield is the highest in decades, according…
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