Every Bolt Thrower Album Ranked Worst to Best September 3, 2024 Within the genre of extreme metal, there are bands that have cemented their places in history, and then there’s Bolt… Read More →
Donald Trump Promises To Bring Fruitopia Vending Machines Back to Public Schools if Elected in Latest Unhinged Rant September 3, 2024 LAS VEGAS — Former president Donald Trump told attendees at an outdoor rally that he would bring Fruitopia vending machines… Read More →
Taking the High Road: It’s Been 30 Years Since Insane Clown Posse Released “Santa’s a Fat Bitch” and I’ve Yet to Hear a Response Diss Track September 1, 2024 These days, it seems like division is ingrained into the very fabric of our society. Whether it’s politics, religion, or… Read More →
Poser Staind Fan Didn’t Even Storm the Capitol on January 6th August 28, 2024 ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Local resident and supposed Staind fan Brandon Vintner wasn’t even present at the attempted coup on… Read More →
Guy in Crowd with Tucked-In Polo Most Unsettling Part of Black Metal Show August 27, 2024 WORCESTER, Mass. — Black metal fan and Watain concert attendee Caleb Anderson’s choice of a tucked-in polo shirt was apparently… Read More →
We Tried to Interview the Bears From the Charmin Commercials, but They Wouldn’t Stop Talking About Their Assholes August 23, 2024 We all know the feeling: you’re sitting down with a big, sloppy chicken parm sandwich to revisit an old episode… Read More →
We Interviewed Internet Legend Smarterchild and Didn’t Take Away Much, but Now We Know Despicable Me 4 Is Playing At Loews at 7:15 August 20, 2024 Numa Numa, Star Wars Kid, Salad Fingers. If you came of age in the early 2000s, you know these references… Read More →
Carcass Merch Table Accepts Cash, Card, Medical Specimens August 20, 2024 BALTIMORE — British death metal titans Carcass are reportedly accepting cash, card, and medical specimens in exchange for merch at… Read More →
Opinion: How About We “Open up This Fucking Pit” to New Learning Experiences? August 15, 2024 Boy, we sure are having a great time at this deathcore concert, aren’t we? These drop A tunings and inhaled… Read More →
Help! We Tried To Nab Some Easy Nineties Nostalgia Clicks by Interviewing Stephen Gammell and He Trapped Us Inside One of His Drawings August 13, 2024 OK, so this one’s at least partially on us. We’ve admittedly been slacking off here at the Hard Times, and… Read More →