Steve Packosky, Author at HARDTIMES

5 Thrash Bands You Might as Well Check Out Since You Don’t Know How To Patch the Hole in Your Only Pair of Jeans

June 5, 2025

Welp, your sole pair of Wranglers that you wear to work, shows, dates, restaurants, and even funerals now has a…

Weird! Manowar Not Getting Girlfriend in the Mood

June 5, 2025

FRESNO, Calif. — You expressed confusion over the band Manowar’s inability to get your girlfriend in the mood for sexual…

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Pregnant Woman Weighing Ethical Considerations of Bringing Child Into World Where Metallica Still Releasing New Music

June 1, 2025

CHICAGO — Pregnant woman Janice Bonder found herself second-guessing her decision to bring new life into a world where popular…

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Genius Janitors Now Forced To Solve Equations on Own Blackboards Following Trump’s Harvard Contract Cuts

May 27, 2025

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — President Donald Trump’s decision to terminate all of the federal government’s remaining contracts with Harvard University resulted…

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Opinion: I Never Would’ve Booked This Room on Airbnb Had I Known It Was the One From the “Virtual Insanity” Music Video

May 25, 2025

OK, let me make myself exceedingly clear on one thing: I always do the necessary amount of research before I…

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Municipal Waste Fan Horrified To Learn He Drank Responsibly Last Night

May 25, 2025

CASPER, Wyo. — Municipal Waste fan Dylan Medina was shocked and disgusted after remembering that he drank responsibly at local…

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The Next “Newsies”? These Children I’ve Employed Won’t Stop Complaining About How I Don’t Pay Them

May 24, 2025

These days, it’s important for us to find ways to earn a living however we can. Rising costs due to…

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Metalhead With No Hygiene Habits Inexplicably Owner of Most Beautiful Head of Hair You’ve Ever Seen

May 24, 2025

MARSHALL, Minn. — Slovenly and unkempt metalhead Freddy Clark somehow sported the most beautiful head of hair you’d ever encountered,…

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So Close! Here Are 5 Missing Kids Who Didn’t Make the Cut for the Next Soul Asylum Music Video

May 21, 2025

If you grew up in the 90s, you no doubt remember watching the music video for Soul Asylum’s 1993 hit…

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Barenaked Ladies Threaten to Release Another Song Unless Tariffs on Canada Are Lifted

May 19, 2025

TORONTO — Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies responded to U.S. President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariffs on their country by threatening…

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