The Next Oasis? My Pickleball Partner Just Beat the Shit Out of Me With His Racquet
Guys, I need to be honest. I’ve been in a creative slump, and nothing seems to be working. I’ve been…
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Sarah Cortina
15 stories found
I Don’t Know What Shoegaze Is and at This Point I’m Too Scared To Ask
Look, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of in this life. We all tell little white lies to get…
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DUI From Two Beers Kind of Embarrassing
MADISON, Wis. — Local loser Jim Perkins reportedly found his DUI from two beers kind of embarrassing, confirmed sources who…
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Bushwick Child Cagey About How They Are Able to Afford Barbie Dreamhouse
BUSHWICK, N.Y. — Bushwick child Avery Bridgerton reportedly acted quite cagey when questioned on the playground about how they could…
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Report: 70% of Punk’s Hydration Sourced from Melted Ice In Vodka Soda
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new report out of Stanford University reported that 70% of the average punk’s hydration is…
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Man Confident AI Won’t Take Job Of Pretending to Be Active on Teams All Day
AUSTIN, Texas — Local project manager Jason Butler is positive that advances in AI won’t threaten his employment, where he…
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Dog Doesn’t Like Fireworks “Because of What They Represent”
CHICAGO — Local pooch Hamburger is reportedly hiding under his home’s kitchen table from Fourth of July fireworks, not due…
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How I Celebrated Pride Month By Calling My Gay Cousin Just My Cousin
Pride month is almost over, and you might be wondering how I celebrated these past few weeks. Well, I did…
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Justin Timberlake Writes Entire Album About How Long Island Iced Tea Is a Lying Whore
SAG HARBOR, NY — Justin Timberlake announced his next album will be about how the popular alcoholic beverage Long Island…
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New FAFSA Forms Simply Asks Students “Do You Ski?”
WASHINGTON —The Department of Education announced that next year's FAFSA application will be simplified to only ask students “Do you…
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