Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

November 24, 2025

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced yesterday that he had deployed the National Guard to Roku City, the fictional cityscape…

August 16, 2025

MACON, Ga. — Panic-stricken and barely coherent GWAR roadie Miles Giodarno was spotted dashing through the streets of Macon, desperately…

August 2, 2025

Most people will tell you Disney magic is something you only see in movies or after an unlicensed mushroom retreat.…

July 12, 2025

MOAB, Utah — Local sociopath and murder enthusiast Greg Allen Hargrove reportedly left his favorite blade casually hanging over the…

January 20, 2025

Take note, Charles Perrault! And would someone PLEASE shove the hemorrhaging corpse of Grace Kelly out of the driver’s seat??…

January 3, 2025

FISHERS, Ind. — A small group hosted an intervention recently to help their friend Krista Simmons who has become a…

December 30, 2024

LOS ANGELES — A shocking new report by citizen journalist/unemployed man Gary Russo claims that skateboarder Tony Hawk did not…

September 17, 2024

TACOMA, Wash. — Punk house squatter Dave Giles reportedly converted virtually every open space within his home into a junk…

August 27, 2024

DENVER — Local man Davey Hilton was “severely bummed” upon learning his new roommate, Nina McKenna, was the “intrusive thoughts”…

June 16, 2024

Is there anything more beautiful than a father’s love expressed through music? If there is, we don’t want to know…