WASHINGTON — Local punk exorcist Benicio “Scary” Scaramucci admitted he didn’t see any problems with the sinister child threatening nuns and puking everywhere when asked…
SALEM, Ore. — Local punk Trent Jackson planned to attend the state fair “ironically” this weekend, making it the seventh year in a row he’s…
INDIANAPOLIS — 38-year-old nu metal fan Bryce Spiller went to extreme lengths to maintain his soul patch after deciding to comb over his thinning facial…
Here at the Hard Times, we’re no strangers to waking up from a drug-induced slumber in a dingy bathroom next to a bunch of random…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
LOS ANGELES — Dead Kennedy’s superfan Mike Luger was in for a surprise today after he discovered that his new Jello Biafra GPS voice was…
SAN JOSE — Local middle-aged guy Tom O’Donnell admitted he exclusively skates the curbs surrounding urgent care parking lots in order to increase the efficiency…
NEW CALIFORNIA, Ohio — Local man Trent Palmer desperately concealed his infected forearm from other survivors after a surprise attack from a crust punk, confirmed…
Queens of the Stone Age’s fluid lineup has always revolved around the gravity of frontman Josh Homme, with members constantly being flung from the orbit…