Born Again Crust Punk Baptized in Sewage
SALT LAKE CITY — Local born again crust punk Richard “Skuz-Dixx” Vanderbilt was recently baptized in sewage after deciding to…
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Brett Olsen
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Nostalgic Glenn Danzig Rekindles Old Lawsuits
LODI, N.J. — Famous singer and mildly renowned film director Glenn Danzig felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him…
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Ska Reunion Show Ruined by Ska
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local reunion show for ska band Skattergories was reportedly ruined by all the ska music, confirmed…
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Apple Watch Congratulates Local Oaf for Standing
PARMA, Ohio — Local lummox Andrew Creosote felt a vague sense of accomplishment Tuesday morning when he uncharacteristically stood up…
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Unrealistic Standards? Ever Since Jeremy Allen White’s Photo Shoot, My Partner Expects Me To Wear Underwear
Ever since Jeremy Allen White exposed his Calvin Kleins to the world, the newfound friction between me and my wife…
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Millennial’s Retirement Plan Contingent on Rare Records Never Being Repressed
AKRON, Ohio — Local scene legend and bartender William Lindberg admitted his dreams of retiring in his fifties or sixties…
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