Bob Weird Dead at 78, According To Autocorrect
SAN FRANCISCO — Bob Weird, a founding member of the Grateful Dead, died at age 78 yesterday, according to autocorrect.…
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Ben Sobieck
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Dave From Dave’s Killer Bread Inducted Into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
CLEVELAND — Dave Dahl, best known as the face and founder of Dave’s Killer Bread, was inducted into the Rock…
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Puscifer Fan Shocked to Learn Vocalist Has Side Band
MINNEAPOLIS — Noted Puscifer fan and parolee Peter Schwartz recently learned the vocalist of his favorite act has a side…
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Punk ASMR Creator Holds Microphone Up to Bandage Slowly Peeling Off Skin
MINNEAPOLIS — Paige Gerbert, known as online creator ASMR Pope Hammer, posted a viral video on her YouTube account titled…
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Local Man Fatally Shot at Bus Stop Can’t Believe That Online Death Calculator Quiz From 1998 Was Right
PORTLAND, Ore. — Noted music scene advocate Sean Burton was fatally shot in an incident identical to a prediction made…
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Shitty Cloud Doesn’t Even Look Like an Animal or Nothing
MINNEAPOLIS — The appearance of an unremarkable cloud in the sky enraged pedestrians in Uptown, prompting a police response in…
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Scurvy-Ridden Band Plays Extra Shitty in Hopes Someone Throws Fruit on Stage
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk band Slice planned to play exceptionally shitty to trigger audiences to throw fruit at them in…
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The Heavy Hand of Government Is Only Good When It Does Things I Like
I’m a typical American. I like my THC-infused beverages cold, my mac-and-Cheetos burgers hot, and my government wielding its awesome…
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Punk Guitarist Gets Pre-Denial Offer From Credit Card Company
MINNEAPOLIS — Baxter Lenin, guitarist for Ketamine Chainsaw, recently received a “pre-denial offer” in the mail from Capital One, confirmed…
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Trump Calls for Reparations for Families Who “Lost Their Workers” on Juneteenth
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump marked Juneteenth, the federal holiday created in 2021 commemorating the end of slavery in the…
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