Okay, so I made a guy. Kind of like how God can make a guy, but I made mine at home out of scrap parts instead of with magic or however it normally works. Well, not home exactly. It was a big old abandoned tower. Didn’t really look into why. We spent Lord knows how much refitting it with tubes and lightning stuff.
And I know what you’re thinking. “Parts?” Yes, they were parts of other guys, but they were very dead. Like blown-into-pieces dead. I promise they weren’t just sleeping guys. I had to stitch everything together because of how blown up the pieces were. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with the details.
So here’s the deal: after stitching him together, I figured out how to explode life into my homemade guy. At first, it was incredible. Just that it worked at all. But after the excitement wore off, it was not what I expected. He lives and breathes, sure, but he just doesn’t know anything. He’s basically a brand-new guy; didn’t come with anything out of the box.
I guess he did figure out a couple of things quickly. He was walking around, feeling faces. But when I pictured all of this, I figured he’d be really smart. I imagined having long conversations over tea with my monster guy. Or at least that the brains I superglued into his head would remember something. But nothing. I have to teach him everything. It’s exhausting.
And don’t act like I didn’t try, I did! I gave it a couple days of teaching him words like “Victor.” But after that, I started figuring out what worked for me. Like how I’d locked him in the basement. That way, he can’t keep giving me leaves as presents. So annoying. But even then, whenever I go down there, he still wants stuff. Hugs. Water. Learning. It’s too much.
So I did what felt right in the moment, which was dousing the tower in gasoline and lighting it on fire.
But now he’s really mad about the whole being-set-on-fire thing. But it’s not like he even died! Still, he travels the earth, hunting me endlessly, begging for companionship. Enough already!
So… is he overreacting, or am I the asshole for lighting my homemade guy on fire because he was getting exhausting?
