Indio, Calif. — Goldenvoice announced this week that Coachella 2016 will close out with a bang next year, as a revolutionary new hologram of GG Allin will chuck his feces directly into the crowd.
Citing the huge success and rabid press coverage of the Tupac hologram in 2012, the festival promoters decided to top themselves with another legend gone too soon.
“We’re psyched that GG will be a part of Coachella 2016. It should really mix things up to have him up there. Plus the abundance of human feces flowing from the inadequate bathroom facilities should provide plenty of ammo.”
Engineers were still working out the kinks as to whether said feces would also be a hologram, or in fact be “real human doo-doo [sic].” “We don’t know exactly what he’ll be working with. We’re developing a new hybrid technology that would allow a hologram to interface the real, tangible world,” said Cal Tech engineer Bev Trill, Ph.D. “Obviously the real thing would create a more exciting, visceral experience for all involved.”
Allin, who passed away in 1993, left a gaping hole in the scene for people who preferred a live show rich with bodily fluids. “So far the closest they’ve come to sending a turd into the crowd was when Muse played.” said longtime Coachella fan Jenny Spiegel. While Spiegel personally had no interest in being muddied by the likes of Allin, she looked forward to his antics leveling the playing field among the VIPs. “Hopefully they can program the thing to hit Jonah Hill.”
Related: UPDATE: Every Band Reunites for Fest
Cleanup is sure to take several weeks following Allin’s simian-like closing act, but promoters think they’ve struck gold. “If this goes as well as I hope, I’d like to take hologram GG on tour. Maybe franchise it out and have him play in several cities at once. I really think we’ve stepped in something good!” exclaimed Jerry Thompson, CFO at Goldenvoice.
While Allin’s act was considered extremely shocking in his time, today’s concertgoers, like Spiegel, said it would hardly be the most egregious thing to hit Coachella. “I don’t think it’s any more offensive than a white girl wearing a bindi.”
Like us on Facebook and keep up with all the latest Hard Times news.