Battle of the Bands Ends in Fragile Ceasefire Agreement
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — A ceasefire has been reached after tense backstage negotiations at this weekend’s Battle of the Bands,…
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Matt Oriente
12 stories found
Local Man Quietly Stages Coup of Bar Jukebox Using Only His Phone
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — 41-year-old Jacob Francois claimed responsibility for taking over a local bar’s jukebox using only his phone,…
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Childhood Trauma Rebranded as “How Things Were Done in Those Days” by Your Parents
MOSES LAKE, Wash. — Your parents announced that your childhood trauma will now be officially rebranded as “how things were…
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Dad Catches Daughter and Boyfriend in Back Seat of Car Listening to Weezer’s “Raditude”
CHICAGO — Local dad Patrick Larken caught his oldest daughter in the backseat of her boyfriend's fogged-up Toyota Corolla singing…
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Local Punk Scene Thrown Into Turmoil After Opening Band Leaves Right After Playing Their Set
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. – Opening band Abridged Aversion left the local punk scene in a tailspin when they immediately departed…
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Nation’s Pop Punk Violinists Still Holding Out for Post-“Ocean Avenue” Boom
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Pop punk violinists around the nation are still patiently waiting for their instrument’s popularity in the scene…
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Trump Administration Poised to Remove Federal Protections for California’s Last Known Aquabats
SAN MATEO, Calif. – President-elect Donald Trump announced via Truth Social his intention to remove "any and all" federal protections…
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Hellcat Records’ Entire Roster Exposed as Just The Interrupters Wearing Different Colored Fred Perry Shirts
LOS ANGELES — Former Hellcat Records intern Alexis Merz revealed that the entire band roster consists of The Interrupters dressed…
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Couple Separated by Mosh Pit Promise to Find Each Other Again Someday
CHICAGO — David Arrivale and Michelle Esposito were tragically separated after wandering too close to a mosh pit during a…
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George R.R. Martin and Streetlight Manifesto Team Up to Keep Fans Waiting Indefinitely
BAYONNE, N.J. — American author George R. R. Martin teamed up with members of Streetlight Manifesto to announce plans to…
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